In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
