Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
