How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
