This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
