'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
