Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
COCAINE IS GR8
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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