Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
