If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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