There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
