Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
