she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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