even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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