I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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