So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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