We won't sleep together?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
