Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
