It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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