Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
All the doctor said was why
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
