I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
