This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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