I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Vodka?
Forever.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
