I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Holy sore nipples Batman
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
