We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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