i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
