my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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