Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize