There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You are the jesus of drinking
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
