oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize