Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
