Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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