I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
handjob tips. give me some.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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