we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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