i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
