so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
