ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
