So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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