You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
