I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
