every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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