she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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