i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
