did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
