Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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