so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
