The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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