I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
