mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
