is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
