420 ftw
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
