You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
