I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
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