Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
