I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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