i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
