She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
pray to the hookup gods
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
