so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
