this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
