Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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