I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
