i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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