I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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