My girlfriend figured out who you are.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
