The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
