she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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